A Man’s Reach Should Exceed His Grasp

This may well be tempting fate in advance of the Serpentine 5k on Friday but it’s time to put my season targets up for public consumption. After all, no one appreciates someone gloating over their vanquished targets at the end of the year when their existence cannot be verified. For the British readers in particular it’s also better to know how far short someone fell so the levels of piss-taking and general scorn can be adjusted appropriately.

Although I am training primarily for the 5k this year I will be competing over a number of shorter distances also, partly because it’s good training and partly because my philosophy is, as some ex girlfriends would attest, the quicker and sooner finished the better. The season will end in September.

So, without further ado and with accompanying drum roll:
400m: 51.0
800m: 2:00
1500: 4:06
3k: 9:00
5k: 15:50
10k: 34:30

Those of you paying attention will notice that, in relative terms, the target times get worse the further I go, despite the fact my training is orientated towards the longer distances. The main reason for this is, whether I like it or not, physiology plays a pretty major part in race times. I am predominantly a “fast twitch” runner, which essentially means that my muscle fibres are more suited towards speed than endurance. I suspect my ancestors had a postal round in high density housing rather than having to cover a large expansive estate!

The net effect being that my expectations must be higher (and goals more challenging) the shorter the distance. Having said that, I am old man now and it will be interesting to see whether I retain any speed. If not, I will be in the ridiculous situation of being a fast-twitch runner with no speed. All hail the Eunuch porn star.